She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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