Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize