i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
