Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
