i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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