party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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