Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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