so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
