we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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