So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
