I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
