I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
