i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
