so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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