toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
