Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
