I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
