The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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