i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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