"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
honey bunches of taint.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
