Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
