oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
