I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
