Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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