it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
