Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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