there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
