Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
