East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
