I need help removing her.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
