I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
