id be glad to
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
