Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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