my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
