she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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