You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
