im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
