then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
