I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I believe in your delicious
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
