it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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