this boner is exhausting
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
