No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize