My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
