He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
