He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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