I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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