Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize