I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
