She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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