you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize