i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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