he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize