Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
COCAINE IS GR8
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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