FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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