Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
