"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
