in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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