i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
me + whiskey = a bad person
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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