Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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