I cockslap morals
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
