Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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