The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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