One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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