if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize