Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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