i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
