No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
