I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
