I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
